So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I just had sex on a roof
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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