He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
