My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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