Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize