peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Randomize
