trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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