He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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