Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
