Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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