i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Every concussion has its silver lining
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
