How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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