goodnight i made you a song goodbye
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
