on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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