If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
