after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
