i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
