she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
