She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
