I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
