I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
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He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
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For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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