It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
