exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
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that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
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