i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
