I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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