Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
