i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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