Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
