why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
