I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
