In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
