I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
