Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
