Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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