just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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