shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
