Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
