we're blogging at a bar
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
