I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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