Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
