dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
