As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
