Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
