You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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