i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Randomize
