i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
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I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
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Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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