Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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