my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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