I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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