ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
