My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
