Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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