So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
