fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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