I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I have fence marks all over my body
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
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