totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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