my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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