I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
