There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Pants are for mortals
Randomize
