Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
