he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
