just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
