hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
