Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
