Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
