i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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