dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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