So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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