Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
