Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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