bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
