So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
