Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
