but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
