im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
