how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
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