I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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