Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
